Moral Dilemma

I was a bit undecided about what to blog about today. On one hand, Lindsay Lohan is doing community service at the morgue.  On the other, the nation is having a financial meltdown and people are taking to the streets.

In an effort to not become any dumber while living in L.A. I'm going to blog about the latter. Namely, the arrest and 11-year jail sentence of finance titan Raj Rajaratnam, who ran the hedge-fund at Galleon Group, and the imminent court date of Rajat K. Gupta former director at Goldman Sachs.  Apparently, these guys were best buds and were sharing inside information.  Maybe it's because they both had the same nickname "R.J." Whatever the case, WHOOPS!

As a South Asian, I'm troubled by this. Not because they did something wrong but because they got caught. I know it's immensely greedy and a lot of innocent people were hurt.  I guess I'm biased towards Indians. Probably because Hollywood is a dogfight for South Asians while finance seems like a meritocracy where you just have to be smart.  Anyways, Rajat is indicted on 5 counts of securities fraud and faces 20 years for each count.  Looks like he better use his money to buy a time machine and fix this mess because he is not going to get off easy.

A little while ago, I was planning to work at CAA, a talent agency in Hollywood and I was having nightly meetings with my other friend who worked at WME, a rival talent agency.  We were coordinating ways to share information for personal use.  Did we care? Not the slightest.  As anybody in Hollywood knows, living here is like total anarchy and you fend for yourself.

It makes me think that some South Asians are hyper competitive, and we are wired to pull every trick in the book.  To think, thousands of years ago we were probably goat herders and things were the same.

Goat herder #1 - Hey did you hear?  Raj is retiring next month and will be selling his goats.
Goat herder #2 - Are you insane?!  You can't tell me this!  That's illegal.  (thinks about it) Saaaay.... how many goats does he have?

We live in a country where our forefathers stole land from Native Americans so we could build Walmarts.  Perhaps our absence of morals is substantial proof that we have successfully assimilated into American culture.

USA baby, USA.  

Crackhead Darrell

Well, it was revealed in the news today that Darrell Hammond is a crackhead.  Ok. He isn't a crackhead but he did use crack and had to be "taken from the NBC infirmary to New York Hospital in a straitjacket" when he was on SNL.

All this time I thought he was really good at impressions, turns out he was probably going through a drug trip and was channeling the voices in his head. Go figure.  

I once did a pot brownie in the middle of the woods. I couldn't even stand up and passed out in my car.  Around 4 am a forest ranger knocked on my window, and told me I was parked on the grass.  Still high, I saw something banging on the glass and thought a monster was trying to eat me. 

Still, I'm NOT against drug use.  If it means that I'll be more successful, sign me up!  I just don't know what drug to commit to. Booze, I don't like the taste.  Needles, I'm afraid of sharp things.  Pot/Crack, I have asthma.  What's left? I guess I could sniff a bunch of paint thinner.  Is this even illegal?  Swat team busts into my apartment, and I have all these open paint cans lying around the floor.  YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!  

I guess for now I have no choice but to just settle for never reaching my full artist potential. I'm going to go to the gym now. Hey, wait a minute. I work out several times a week. Almost like I'm.... addicted.   YES! 

Indian Wedding Reception

I'm about to go to an Indian wedding reception.  The wedding was yesterday and the reception is tonight. There's so many events at Indian weddings. I think there's a post-reception next week to celebrate tonight's reception.

Whenever I go to a wedding my first thought is "wow, these people have to spend the rest of their lives together... forever"  Actually wait, my first thought is, "are there any hot girls at this thing?" No wait, that's my second thought.  My first thought is "what time are they serving dinner?"  No wait, even that's not right.  My first thought is "will anyone notice that there's a big stain on this suit because I spilt maple syrup on it at IHOP last week and didn't have time to get it dry cleaned."

The point to all this is I can't be the only person who over-analyzes every situation they walk into.  Just walk in, put a big fake smile and congratulate the couple.  When people ask me what I'm up to, I'll tell them that everything is great and then proceed to check my phone to make it seem like I'm so busy.

me - "Hey, hold on, one sec I have to take this."
other person - "Your phone isn't even on."
me - um...

So off I go to experience merriment and laughter.  Congrats to everyone who is able to get through the night and wake up tomorrow without a hangover. I hope I don't spill any alcohol on me.

When Animals Attack

This is what I read in the news this morning:

"Deputies shot and killed 18 rare Bengal tigers, 17 lions, six black bears, two grizzlies, three mountain lions and a baboon. Six animals were captured and sent to the Columbus Zoo, a wolf was found dead and a monkey was still at large, though feared eaten by a lion."  

Forget the fact that this is news in America.  This sounds like some kind of horror movie where the zoo animals revolt and humans fight back.  My favorite part is "monkey still at large, though feared eaten by the lion" Obviously, there was some dissidence in the group and the lion took care of business. 

But seriously, this story is hilarious to me because the owner of this "animal preserve" ended up shooting himself after releasing the animals.  He pretty much was like "fuck it, if i go down this shithole town is going with me." Which brings me to my next point.  If we want to avoid such a catastrophe in the future, we need to have some kind of regulation which prohibits people from having more than 10 Bengal Tigers.  9, OK.  I get it.  But 17?!   Dangerously excessive. 

Also why did he only have one monkey?  Maybe he was like Michael Jackson and used the baboon as a personal assistant.  That would explain the lion's deep-seeded vehemence because he was finally able to seek revenge on his jailer.    

Or possibly, the owner of the preserve was trying to emulate "Noah's Arc" and was collecting specimens in case a giant flood kills us in 2012.  These specimens were supposed to be the survivors to procreate in the new Earth, in which case deputies just made them into living room rugs. 

There are a lot of unanswered questions here.  As a citizen, I think we need to demand why these animals were killed.  Me personally, I think they were super smart and were being experimented on by the government and trained like the X-Men.  They managed to escape and were put down.  The government has led us to believe an entirely different story. Yes, hard to believe but so is "wolf was found dead" insinuating that he took his own life.  

That would never happen. 

Tarun Shetty - Writer

Wow, this is my second post this week.  It's happening. I can feel it.  I'm writing again.

 If you are an old school fan of tarunshetty.com then you know that I used to write in my online blog once a week.   I've always loved to write.  Mostly because it's one of the few things I'm actually decent at or deluded myself to thinking I'm good at.  If you've read my other blog entries, you know that I was never a good "communicator" and was very shy growing up so I think I forced myself to learn how to use a pen.  I've used this skill for good -- to write motivational stuff for readers. And sometimes evil - sophomore year of high school I wrote a ten page biography on a person that was supposed to be true but was, in fact, entirely fiction.

Then slowly, I've been pulled into 1000 different projects and i lost all my free time. These past two years, I was working for a movie producer and literally spent 10-15 hours a week writing script coverage.  So naturally, when I finally did have free time,  I wanted to be as far away as possible from a  computer keyboard. (When I did try to write my thoughts, it was mostly profanity and vitriolic messages that would rival the diaries of most serial killers)

I think my true passions are coming back.  The movie, Starship Troopers was on TV and there was this great quote in it.  Johnny Rico, the lead, asks his high school teacher if he should join the academy and fight space aliens or go off to college and the teacher responds "the greatest human freedom is the ability to make our own choices" (I'm paraphrasing here, but it was something of that nature).  Johnny then joins the academy, which was a good decision because the aliens end up destroying his hometown and his family dies.

This really struck home.  Meaning, in life, we're constantly being pulled and tempted by so many different things and for some reason we feel obliged to do them.  However, EVERYONE HAS A CHOICE, which is an easy thing to forget.

The message here is if you don't want to do something, say no.  Otherwise, aliens will destroy your hometown and everyone you love will die.  The-End.

Saturday Night

Well, it's officially Sat night. It's 1:16 in the morning and I just got back from the Parlor in west hollywood. I spent most of the evening talking to my friends Josh Wade and Jay Montepare, two talented comedians.  Scary that I didn't even TRY to talk to any girls. I didn't even check any girls out.   I'm starting to think that I'm asexual.  Like I just don't care. Maybe my sex drive is gone. Who knows. I definitely can live without drama.  Perhaps being by myself for now is a good thing.

I also haven't produced any major undertakings in a while. I spent the last three years producing a feature movie and I don't want to do anything right now.  I just wake up, write jokes.  Sometimes I have an audition, go the gym, and at night I do stand-up.  I was very angry two months ago.  Just a bitter aftertaste from all the nonsense in this town.  I think that's what life is about.  Figuring out what makes you happy and just do that.  But I also feel like you have to follow your instincts and sometimes your instincts tell you to do things which at times, seem like someone is beating your head with a rock.

I don't know. If I ever try to give you advice, don't listen to me because I probably don't know what I'm talking about.

later ~ 

Tarun's New Website

Well, it's 3:26 a.m. and I finally finished this new website. It's about time. I'm sure news of this creation will be on the front page of Google news tomorrow morning and I expect this website to crash because of the millions of expected hits.

I was a bit frustrated that I couldn't make a comment section and email list,  but I figure people can just add me on fb or email me using the contact form.  Ok. that's it.  Nothing really to blog about.  I did stand-up tonight. Some jokes worked, some didn't.  This seems to be a consistent pattern over the past 14 years.

good night!