Moral Dilemma

I was a bit undecided about what to blog about today. On one hand, Lindsay Lohan is doing community service at the morgue.  On the other, the nation is having a financial meltdown and people are taking to the streets.

In an effort to not become any dumber while living in L.A. I'm going to blog about the latter. Namely, the arrest and 11-year jail sentence of finance titan Raj Rajaratnam, who ran the hedge-fund at Galleon Group, and the imminent court date of Rajat K. Gupta former director at Goldman Sachs.  Apparently, these guys were best buds and were sharing inside information.  Maybe it's because they both had the same nickname "R.J." Whatever the case, WHOOPS!

As a South Asian, I'm troubled by this. Not because they did something wrong but because they got caught. I know it's immensely greedy and a lot of innocent people were hurt.  I guess I'm biased towards Indians. Probably because Hollywood is a dogfight for South Asians while finance seems like a meritocracy where you just have to be smart.  Anyways, Rajat is indicted on 5 counts of securities fraud and faces 20 years for each count.  Looks like he better use his money to buy a time machine and fix this mess because he is not going to get off easy.

A little while ago, I was planning to work at CAA, a talent agency in Hollywood and I was having nightly meetings with my other friend who worked at WME, a rival talent agency.  We were coordinating ways to share information for personal use.  Did we care? Not the slightest.  As anybody in Hollywood knows, living here is like total anarchy and you fend for yourself.

It makes me think that some South Asians are hyper competitive, and we are wired to pull every trick in the book.  To think, thousands of years ago we were probably goat herders and things were the same.

Goat herder #1 - Hey did you hear?  Raj is retiring next month and will be selling his goats.
Goat herder #2 - Are you insane?!  You can't tell me this!  That's illegal.  (thinks about it) Saaaay.... how many goats does he have?

We live in a country where our forefathers stole land from Native Americans so we could build Walmarts.  Perhaps our absence of morals is substantial proof that we have successfully assimilated into American culture.

USA baby, USA.  

Crackhead Darrell

Well, it was revealed in the news today that Darrell Hammond is a crackhead.  Ok. He isn't a crackhead but he did use crack and had to be "taken from the NBC infirmary to New York Hospital in a straitjacket" when he was on SNL.

All this time I thought he was really good at impressions, turns out he was probably going through a drug trip and was channeling the voices in his head. Go figure.  

I once did a pot brownie in the middle of the woods. I couldn't even stand up and passed out in my car.  Around 4 am a forest ranger knocked on my window, and told me I was parked on the grass.  Still high, I saw something banging on the glass and thought a monster was trying to eat me. 

Still, I'm NOT against drug use.  If it means that I'll be more successful, sign me up!  I just don't know what drug to commit to. Booze, I don't like the taste.  Needles, I'm afraid of sharp things.  Pot/Crack, I have asthma.  What's left? I guess I could sniff a bunch of paint thinner.  Is this even illegal?  Swat team busts into my apartment, and I have all these open paint cans lying around the floor.  YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!  

I guess for now I have no choice but to just settle for never reaching my full artist potential. I'm going to go to the gym now. Hey, wait a minute. I work out several times a week. Almost like I'm.... addicted.   YES! 

Indian Wedding Reception

I'm about to go to an Indian wedding reception.  The wedding was yesterday and the reception is tonight. There's so many events at Indian weddings. I think there's a post-reception next week to celebrate tonight's reception.

Whenever I go to a wedding my first thought is "wow, these people have to spend the rest of their lives together... forever"  Actually wait, my first thought is, "are there any hot girls at this thing?" No wait, that's my second thought.  My first thought is "what time are they serving dinner?"  No wait, even that's not right.  My first thought is "will anyone notice that there's a big stain on this suit because I spilt maple syrup on it at IHOP last week and didn't have time to get it dry cleaned."

The point to all this is I can't be the only person who over-analyzes every situation they walk into.  Just walk in, put a big fake smile and congratulate the couple.  When people ask me what I'm up to, I'll tell them that everything is great and then proceed to check my phone to make it seem like I'm so busy.

me - "Hey, hold on, one sec I have to take this."
other person - "Your phone isn't even on."
me - um...

So off I go to experience merriment and laughter.  Congrats to everyone who is able to get through the night and wake up tomorrow without a hangover. I hope I don't spill any alcohol on me.

When Animals Attack

This is what I read in the news this morning:

"Deputies shot and killed 18 rare Bengal tigers, 17 lions, six black bears, two grizzlies, three mountain lions and a baboon. Six animals were captured and sent to the Columbus Zoo, a wolf was found dead and a monkey was still at large, though feared eaten by a lion."  

Forget the fact that this is news in America.  This sounds like some kind of horror movie where the zoo animals revolt and humans fight back.  My favorite part is "monkey still at large, though feared eaten by the lion" Obviously, there was some dissidence in the group and the lion took care of business. 

But seriously, this story is hilarious to me because the owner of this "animal preserve" ended up shooting himself after releasing the animals.  He pretty much was like "fuck it, if i go down this shithole town is going with me." Which brings me to my next point.  If we want to avoid such a catastrophe in the future, we need to have some kind of regulation which prohibits people from having more than 10 Bengal Tigers.  9, OK.  I get it.  But 17?!   Dangerously excessive. 

Also why did he only have one monkey?  Maybe he was like Michael Jackson and used the baboon as a personal assistant.  That would explain the lion's deep-seeded vehemence because he was finally able to seek revenge on his jailer.    

Or possibly, the owner of the preserve was trying to emulate "Noah's Arc" and was collecting specimens in case a giant flood kills us in 2012.  These specimens were supposed to be the survivors to procreate in the new Earth, in which case deputies just made them into living room rugs. 

There are a lot of unanswered questions here.  As a citizen, I think we need to demand why these animals were killed.  Me personally, I think they were super smart and were being experimented on by the government and trained like the X-Men.  They managed to escape and were put down.  The government has led us to believe an entirely different story. Yes, hard to believe but so is "wolf was found dead" insinuating that he took his own life.  

That would never happen. 

Tarun Shetty - Writer

Wow, this is my second post this week.  It's happening. I can feel it.  I'm writing again.

 If you are an old school fan of tarunshetty.com then you know that I used to write in my online blog once a week.   I've always loved to write.  Mostly because it's one of the few things I'm actually decent at or deluded myself to thinking I'm good at.  If you've read my other blog entries, you know that I was never a good "communicator" and was very shy growing up so I think I forced myself to learn how to use a pen.  I've used this skill for good -- to write motivational stuff for readers. And sometimes evil - sophomore year of high school I wrote a ten page biography on a person that was supposed to be true but was, in fact, entirely fiction.

Then slowly, I've been pulled into 1000 different projects and i lost all my free time. These past two years, I was working for a movie producer and literally spent 10-15 hours a week writing script coverage.  So naturally, when I finally did have free time,  I wanted to be as far away as possible from a  computer keyboard. (When I did try to write my thoughts, it was mostly profanity and vitriolic messages that would rival the diaries of most serial killers)

I think my true passions are coming back.  The movie, Starship Troopers was on TV and there was this great quote in it.  Johnny Rico, the lead, asks his high school teacher if he should join the academy and fight space aliens or go off to college and the teacher responds "the greatest human freedom is the ability to make our own choices" (I'm paraphrasing here, but it was something of that nature).  Johnny then joins the academy, which was a good decision because the aliens end up destroying his hometown and his family dies.

This really struck home.  Meaning, in life, we're constantly being pulled and tempted by so many different things and for some reason we feel obliged to do them.  However, EVERYONE HAS A CHOICE, which is an easy thing to forget.

The message here is if you don't want to do something, say no.  Otherwise, aliens will destroy your hometown and everyone you love will die.  The-End.

Saturday Night

Well, it's officially Sat night. It's 1:16 in the morning and I just got back from the Parlor in west hollywood. I spent most of the evening talking to my friends Josh Wade and Jay Montepare, two talented comedians.  Scary that I didn't even TRY to talk to any girls. I didn't even check any girls out.   I'm starting to think that I'm asexual.  Like I just don't care. Maybe my sex drive is gone. Who knows. I definitely can live without drama.  Perhaps being by myself for now is a good thing.

I also haven't produced any major undertakings in a while. I spent the last three years producing a feature movie and I don't want to do anything right now.  I just wake up, write jokes.  Sometimes I have an audition, go the gym, and at night I do stand-up.  I was very angry two months ago.  Just a bitter aftertaste from all the nonsense in this town.  I think that's what life is about.  Figuring out what makes you happy and just do that.  But I also feel like you have to follow your instincts and sometimes your instincts tell you to do things which at times, seem like someone is beating your head with a rock.

I don't know. If I ever try to give you advice, don't listen to me because I probably don't know what I'm talking about.

later ~ 

Tarun's New Website

Well, it's 3:26 a.m. and I finally finished this new website. It's about time. I'm sure news of this creation will be on the front page of Google news tomorrow morning and I expect this website to crash because of the millions of expected hits.

I was a bit frustrated that I couldn't make a comment section and email list,  but I figure people can just add me on fb or email me using the contact form.  Ok. that's it.  Nothing really to blog about.  I did stand-up tonight. Some jokes worked, some didn't.  This seems to be a consistent pattern over the past 14 years.

good night! 

Letters People Send Me - Nov 15 - 2010

Letters People Send Me

Monday, 15th November

Yes, it’s been a while. If I could put a new blog up here every day keeping everybody up to date, I would. However, time is fleeting, and I apologize for being AWOL. Anyway, we at RDP truly appreciate the support, and thanks to all the cool media outlets who have given us coverage the past few months. I’ve also been getting a lot of FB messages/emails asking random stuff. Unfortunately, we’re not Google and don’t have an admin support team so I picked a handful of questions and answered below. After reading, if you still need to know something please bug our production coordinator Yalda Sadiq. She has a fb page, and she would love to fb chat. Tarun what the f**k is going on with your movie Bobby Khan’s Ticket to Hollywood? It’s been like 5 years? – Dev  Dev, First of all you need to buy a calendar because it hasn’t been five years. It’s been seven years. Making a movie is very hard. Especially a good movie. We at RPD pride ourselves at making quality work and this movie will define what we are capable of. We’re working pretty hard and laboring over every detail to the best of our abilities. Bobby Khan will be worth the wait. ….when is the next Desi OC coming out? Also, how come you guys aren’t on youtube anymore? - Sujatha  Hi Sujatha, we have shot 3/4 of DESI OC 17. Hopefully it will be out very soon. The reason we are not on youtube is because we are sponsored by the magnificent Shaadi.com (according to the contract, I have to write that every time I mention the site) Although we can’t run private ads on youtube, you can keep up to date with all DESI OC episodes on our homesite Raisingdesi.com. … did u create your shows to hook up with desi chicks in Socal? -Ravi  Yes, that’s it totally. Is that girl in the yellow bikini from Desi OC 11 single? – Josh  Is every guy who watches Desi OC some sort of creeper? She's a robot. We built her. Check out the 80's movie Weird Science. It's based on us. I heard Russell Peters is in your Bobby Khan movie. Can you give me his contact information? I’m making a movie and want to get a script to him.  Yes, he is. Here’s his contact info – http://www.russellpeters.com/ … (long rant about some school and an annual Bhangra show) We were going to get you to host it. Aren’t you some kind of stand-up comic? You performed at Tulane in 04’ which is an two hours away. What happened to you? - Aafreen  I still do stand-up comedy but only in L.A. clubs in front of 15 people at 1 in the morning. (my personal webpage lists my upcoming shows) I started a production company so I could make comedy movies. …. big fan of your Rising Desi’s. I’m moving to Hollywood. We should meet for coffee. What’s your number? Mine is, XXX-XXX-XXXX. In the meantime, can you give me advice on how what I should do? – Prakash  Prakash, First of all, our company is Raising Desi not Rising Desi. We’re not a bakery. Also, I run it with Atif Mirza who directs everything and has written a lot of stuff. Yes, lets get coffee. Here is my contact info - http://www.russellpeters.com/ Re: how what you should do. I don’t know what it is you seek but grammar seems your strong suite. I recommend becoming an English teacher. best, Tarun

No Fear - May 4th - 2010

No Fear	Tuesday, 4th May
Trust me when I say, never in my wildest dreams did I ever think my present life would be possible. If you throw me in front of an audience and give me a microphone I can handle myself pretty well. I hosted a segment on a TV show and I’m a decent comedic actor. Without a doubt, I think my ability to speak is my best quality. But this wasn’t always the case. Growing up I had a speech impediment. Yep, it’s true. I’m not going to say what sound I couldn’t say because to this day I’m still insecure about it. But I assure you from the time I was a teenager, I have spent more time practicing my speech probably more than you have spent driving your car. (in L.A. that’s a lot) My speech is better than perfect and I dare you to try and find any flaws. But as a kid, talking out loud was the bane of my existence. Being a child is awful because you have no perspective of the world and you don’t know if you’ll ever grow out of your insecurities. I prayed to God for help. I hated being pulled from class to work with a speech coach, being teased at school (there are kids from my hometown that I still refuse to add on facebook) people asking you what the heck you just said. I remember somebody once asked me if English was my first language. It can really mess with your head. But talk to any kid with a speech impediment. You learn tricks. You quickly learn what words you can and can’t say and you expand your vocabulary out of necessity. So one summer in high school I enrolled in Boston University’s College of Communication Broadcasting school. I thought this would be a great way to learn about TV/Film, something I was interested in. You can imagine my horror when it was brought to my attention that all prospective students had to report to the broadcasting booth to check your speech. It was like going to the dentist or something. You had to talk into a microphone for 5 minutes and read a passage while a speech pathologist analyzed your words. This was not in the brochure. I thought about packing my bags. If I was going to be sent back to New Hampshire it would be by my own choice not because some guy with a Masters degree thought I would be better off as a mime. My appointment was Sat, 1pm. My roommate Danny had his appointment 7 days earlier. He walked in smiling, still holding the script they tested him on. “Cake.” Danny grinned. His father was the host on a national radio show so Danny had his dad’s genes. He even sounded like he was a professional radio DJ. Danny crumpled up the paper and threw it in the trash. When he left for dinner I picked it out and looked at the words. Words that would decide where I would be spending the next 8 weeks. I CAN DO THIS. I practiced that passage the following week. Hour in the morning, hour at night. I even bought a recorder at Best Buy so I could hear my pronunciation and went through three sets of batteries. I was going to pass this test. Danny walked in one day and busted me reading in front of the mirror. “What the heck are you doing?” I revealed to him my problem and he told me I was “over thinking” it. “It’s just a stupid speech test.” he explained. “For you maybe” I thought. “This test is my life.” Saturday rolled around and I was ready. I had the whole passage memorized so I didn’t even need the sheet. I stepped into the sound booth and saw a microphone and a headset. On the music stand was a sheet of paper. Through the glass I saw the speech pathologist, a rickety old man, listening through a set of headphones. His muffled voice crackled through my earphones. “Just read what’s on the paper until I tell you to stop.” I picked up the paper -- it was a different passage. The SOB gave me a different test! I’m panicking. I am screwed. I could just see Danny and all the other kids in the program laughing at me because I couldn’t get by this retarded speech test. Should I walk out? What the heck is this old man going to do. If he tries to stop me I will knock him out. Then I’ll take the whole school hostage. I’ll be yelling from the top of the communication building, making demands through a megaphone but nobody can understand me because I still have this lousy speech problem. WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS! But this was just a fantasy. I took that test. Three minutes into it I hear “Ok, that’s fine. Thank-you.” “Am I set?” “Yes. That’s fine. Can you please close the sound booth door on your way out?” “Um, sure.” And that was it. I passed that test and went on to have a great summer. It was a moment where I realized that with preparation, no challenge is insurmountable. If nothing else, I know that to be true. And if you’re a kid reading this and you have a speech impediment, it’s not the end of the world. Wait, actually it is. Especially if you want to do comedy or anything that involves talking. So practice and when you're done go practice some more. And pray to God. Pray like you have never prayed before because being a mime sucks. -- Tarun

The Day We Almost Got Shot - Feb 11th - 2010

The Day We Almost Got Shot

Thursday, 11th February

I don’t want to reveal too much here but we finished the next DESI OC, which will be coming out soon, and the episode almost ended with a bang… literally. Here’s what happened. One of us had the bright idea to involve a very realistic looking gun in the episode. Being the thespian actors that we are, we rehearse everything before we roll tape. So there we are in my living room in West Hollywood acting out the scene. Talented actor Brian Swineheart is playing a bad guy and Hedi (Samina) is screaming her head off. The lines sound good, and Atif and I are ecstatic over this compelling masterpiece. After about twenty minutes, we decide that this is good enough to capture the magic on tape. We head out to our exterior location within my condo complex and start shooting. “Action!” Brian starts screaming, Hedi is yelling nonsense… when all of a sudden we hear, “FREEZE!!! PUT THE GUN DOWN!” Hmmm… I don’t remember that line in the script. I turn around and there is a real police officer pointing a gun with a laser aimed at Brian’s head. Another officer shows up also armed with a gun. Turns out there were ten 911 calls alerting the police of a crime going down in West Hollywood, namely us. Brian instantly drops the gun, and I’m frantic to explain that this is all a hilarious mistake and he’s stumbled upon the making of America’s favorite web series, DESI OC! I can’t say he was a fan (nor was he in our demographic) but it was a good lesson for us and for anyone reading this blog. Anytime you film something with a fake gun in a public area and have your actors scream stuff, people will hear and may do something about it. I’m glad Brian didn’t get shot that day. After all, he has a big part in our Bobby Khan movie and we’ll definitely need him for marketing and press junkets. I’m also lucky because we reshot this scene at another location at Pico/Olympic, Los Angeles -- an area where people get shot all the time so nobody called the police. So when you watch the next episode remember that team RDP almost got killed. It was a good reminder how lucky I am to work with a dedicated team who believes in a vision but who can also shield me from stray bullets. That’s gotta be worth something. --tarun

Jet Lag vs. Tarun vs. The Elderly - Jan 18th - 2010

Jet Lag Vs. Tarun Vs. The Elderly

Monday, 18th January

I am so freakin jet lagged. I got back from India last Sunday and have made no attempt to fight my jet lag whatsoever.. It’s so random that I just fall asleep in the middle of the day. I feel like this is what it’s going to be like when I turn 80. You think your day is going fine and then BAM – nap time! I’ve realized that this is a good thing and I’ve become more envious of the elderly. Old people can just fall asleep in random places and passerbyers give them a free pass because of their age. I once saw an elderly guy with a headband sleeping on one of those sit down exercise bikes at the gym. He could have been dead, but everyone was like “Shhhh…he’s so cute!” I’ve also noticed that the elderly can get away with having s***** attitudes. I was in line at Rite Aid and this walking mummy of a lady was in front complaining that the pharmacist was too slow and NOBODY WAS PAYING ATTENTION! I complain for two seconds and everyone says I should see a therapist. WTF? And lets not forget about that if you’re old people and have money you can still bang chicks 1/4 your age. I swear, if I see one more rich dude walking with a cane on Melrose and holding hands with a girl that could be his granddaughter… Let’s be clear. I have no problem with the elderly. In fact, I really believe the majority of them are sweet and nice and the grandma next door to me frequently bakes me cookies. BUT… if you see a complaining old person who may look like he/she might be worth a couple million dollars and he’s giving you attitude. Just push him out of the way and keep walking. If I see you do this I will probably hi-five you on the street. We are stronger because God made it so and we should take advantage before time takes our soul. Peace. Love. Joy.

Mother India - Dec 2009

Mother India

Thursday, 31st December

Happy holidays to everyone. I’m writing this from my grandmother’s house in Bangalore, India. It’s the final stop of a life changing experience through my motherland. The past few days I’ve been to Jaipur, Delhi, Mumbai, Agra and Udaipur. I feel like I’m on that TV show “The Amazing Race” with no prize money. As I expected, India is a beautiful country filled with culture and history. In addition to the Taj Mahal, Mosques and museums, I’ve toured palaces that Indian kings lived in. (Shah Jihan, Jodhaa Akbar, etc…) and has really changed my perspective about life back then. The most meaningful thing I discovered is that some of the kings had like 30 concubines! Which means they could have a wife and then like mess of other girls they could fool around with on the side. Are you serious?! That is the most awesome thing I have ever heard. I don’t know who abolished the concubine rule but they deserve to be shot. I would be happy with 7 concubines. Even four is OK, I’m a simple man. Nothing crazy, but just enough so that I when I enter a club people are like “Who’s that gangsta with the concubines?” And while I’m on the topic of being shallow, I’d like to take this moment to slam Northern Indian girls. I’ve gone through my entire life with people telling me that North Indian girls are the most beautiful girls in the world. Seriously, I saw like three girls my entire trip and one of them was a Jet Airways airline stewardess. In my opinion, girls in Mumbai and Bangalore definitely have an edge with Delhi, Udaipur, Agra, and Jaipur following behind. (in that order) I would like to remind everybody that this is still all in theory and I wouldn’t recommend citing this blog for academic research papers. And if this blog didn’t do it for you, I’ve been shooting a video about my trip. It will probably be called “Trailer for Twilight 3” just so I can get more hits on youtube. God speed and happy new year!

Fa-la-la - Dec 14th - 2009

Fa-la-la-la-la

Monday, 14th December

Hey Y’all. I’m leaving for India tomorrow for two weeks. I'll be traveling all around, Mumbai, Bangalore, Delhi. I'm going to try and make a new video while I'm over there. Tarun Goes to India Part II. Also, we are well into editing our feature movie “Bobby Khan’s Ticket to Hollywood.” It looks great! A lot of hard work put into it by team RaisingDesi and I can't wait to share. I hope everyone has a great holiday and new year ahead! Xoxoxox—tarun

Tiger Woods is My Hero - Dec 8th 2009

Tiger Woods is My Hero	Tuesday, 8th December
So Tiger Woods is having some serious problems. I read an article this morning that this guy could possibly have had nine mistresses while married. 9! And his wife is hot. No doubt about that. Which raises the obvious question, are all guys slimebags? Well, I think “all” is a bit absolute, but I think 90% of dudes are cheating assholes. To be fair, 91% of chicks are manipulative crazy psychos. Here’s the problem. When we’re kids we are brainwashed to buy into this fairy tale marriage bs. Girls are like “I’m going to find prince charming.” Guys are like, “I’m going to find a hot wife who will look that the rest of her life and I will love forever.” (plus, if you have million dollar endorsements up the ying-yang, projecting a fake family life is probably beneficial) With that said, if you don’t want to get married – DON’T. I’ve see too many people pressured into marriage and they are miserable. This is a person that you will have to wake up next to for the rest of your life! You will never get laid by another person – ever. I’m not going to quote any fancy stat or whatever. I just think people would be happier if they followed their own instincts rather than succumb to external pressures. I know what people are thinking. “Tarun you’re just bitter because your own relationships suck.” This couldn’t be more true. I am bitter. Very bitter. In fact, I am emotionally dead inside. But with an empty soul comes clairvoyance and I speak the truth. Quoting from the bible Apostle 16:32 “Get laidth us much as possible and enjoy your life” So if you still really want to get married, go for it. Good luck to you and your Thursday date nights at Blockbuster. But lets not crucify Tiger, let’s thank him. This man has shown us what a sham marriage can be if done for the wrong reasons, and we should all pay attention. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Esr_okP5Qmo&feature=channel

Day Job Advice - Nov 13 - 2009

Day Job Advice

Friday, 13th November

I had a day job… for such a long time. I’m not going to lie, it sucked. I know many people who love what they do, their office, their collegue, whatever, and I so envy them. But if you have other interests the whole experience is soul killing. As a person who doesn’t have to go into an office but spent ten years setting an alarm clock, I want to give some advice. NOTHING IN LIFE IS PERMANENT! You could be reading this on a computer right now. Guess what, in twenty years the monitor will probably be in a trash heap. See that pen by your desk? It will be in a landfill. Your boss who has no martial spouse and makes up for the loneliness by micromanaging you? He/she will be dead one day. At the very minimum, you will also be dead and don’t have to deal with lame office x-mas parties and “team spirit” mixers. I’m telling you, there is hope. I know. Just do one thing. When you do get home tonight, spend 30 minutes doing what you want to do. Writing, painting, pottery. You might enjoy reading about Cats online. Whatever it is, DO IT! Life can be difficult so give yourself that. I know that you’re probably exhausted from work and all you want to do is watch tv and unplug your brain. But this is your only shot. 30 minutes. 1800 seconds. These little things add up. This is my life philosphy. Be so good that they can’t deny you. One day you will wake up on a Friday at 9:32 am, in the comfort of your own bed and be like. “Wow. I am free. I still hope my ex-boss is dead but I am free. Hallelujah.”

The BK Experience - Nov 9th - 2009

The BK Experience	Monday, 9th November
I am writing this Monday, 3 a.m. I know it’s been a while since I last wrote a blog. Every night I think about writing a new one, and every night I come up with a 101 other things I should be doing. Anyway, November looks to be a good month. We are officially wrapping up our movie Bobby Khan’s Ticket to Hollywood. I don’t want to say too much about it until we officially wrap but it’s been a great journey. I’ve also been watching the dailies and know that everyone will really like it when it’s all done. Part of me just wants to release it for free on the internet so everyone can enjoy it. However, too many people have worked really hard so we’ve got to play the Hollywood game a little bit and see where it takes us. Ultimately, all we care about is putting out the best work and continue to make people happy. I’d also like to thank Ashish Wahi, Prateek Saxena and Azam Mirza. Ash and Azam have consistently come through for us and provided endless movie locations. Prateek Saxena designed our new snazzy RD logo. They say this town is all about “relationships” but I think friendships are way better. Which brings me to another point. Last week we put out a casting looking for an Indian actress. I remember once, we put out a casting and two people sent in their photo, both of them family members. This time around we received a crazy number of headshots. Every girl looked like a model. (where were you when I was 21?) I really wish I could cast everybody because I know how hard it is to get work in this town. Just wanted to say thanks to everybody and we look forward editing this fast so everyone can enjoy. All the best, --tarun

Mr. Conrad Murray Manslaughter - Aug 21 - 2009

Mr. Conrad Murray Manslaughter

Friday, 21st August

“Michael Jackson's personal physician, Dr. Conrad Murray, will be charged with manslaughter within the next two weeks,”this according to Fox New. I love Michael Jackson and I love his music but I am tired about reading about his doctor Joseph Conrad. Really I’m tired of it. I’m tired going to the gym and seeing Dr. Conrad’s Murray’s face on all the TV screens. I’m tired of seeing every other article on Google News about him. Last week somebody sent me a youtube video! This guy is now making youtube videos?! I added Dr. Conrad Murray on facebook, and he still hasn’t gotten back to me. When I first saw his picture in CNN I was like “Why was Sidney Poitier administering Michael Jackson Propofol?” Now I’m afraid to admit I am a Dr. Joseph Conrad expert. I know where he’s from (Las Vegas) where he went to medical school (Meharry Medical College School Of Medicine) I even know what he got on his SAT’s. (680 Math, 640 Verbal) So he killed one of the biggest pop icons in the world. These things happen. Look if anybody reading this wants to pay me $150,000 a month I will kill anybody you want. Heck, I’ll kill Lak Rana for free just let tell me where and how. I’m not condoning what he did but Michael Jackson knew what he was getting into. Especially when you hire someone to drug you every night with hospital drugs. He’s lucky Dr. Conrad was insane enough to do this. Listen, I go to sleep every night the old fashioned way -- a bottle of red wine along with 9 sleeping pills. I tried the Propofol thing and I couldn’t even get the stupid gas from the tank into the stupid facemask. So when Dr. Joseph Conrad goes to jail, which he will, don’t celebrate. He was just doing what he was paid to do. He just happened to get paid to kill Michael Jackson, which would probably get a death penalty in Bahrain or some other non-English speaking country. But at least he was doing a job, which is a semi-not bad thing.

Shahrukh Khan's Bad Day - April 18th - 2009

Shahrukh Khan's Bad Day

Tuesday, 18th August

So yesterday I read that Shahrukh Khan got stopped at an airport and was delayed 66 minutes. Today I’m reading in Google news that there are RIOTS in India, which I think is the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard. Even more ridiculous than people thinking that Lak Rana is hotter than me. Before anyone sends me hate mail, I think Shahrukh Khan is awesome and is one of the biggest and best stars in the world. However, this stuff happens all the time in airports and we, as South Asians, should accept this for what it is and move on. Look, stereotypes are a part of our culture. Japanese people can’t drive, Jews are cheap, Indians, we’re super good looking (ok, so this is slightly exaggerated) and almost all brown people are checked three times for being terrorists – especially if your last name appears on a government watch list. I’ve gotten pulled out of lines. So has my dad. I bet the four people reading this have too. Also, do protests really do anything? Let alone a protest taking place across the Atlantic Ocean? OH MY GOD INDIANS ARE PROTESTING ACROSS THE ATLANTIC! CALL A PRESS CONFERENCE! Here’s the reality. As much as we’d like to believe, Bollywood stars aren’t famous enough in the US where they can do anything they want like American stars. (Although a few months ago I did see a picture of Akshay Kumar in Hollywood and I swear he was wearing a sparkle suit and gold sneakers. This outfit alone is a felony) Shahrukh Khan has responded by saying that he will cut down on his US trips, which is unfortunate. I have no problem with whatever he decides. I have more of a problem with Bollywood movies including scenes where the actors play basketball and nobody can dribble! Really, I’ve seen four year olds dribble a basketball better, why write this into the movie? Like all the actors can dunk and they can jump like 30 feet in the air. NOW THIS is something worth protesting. Trust me, one day if a Mexican blows up a government building every Mexican from here to Tijuana will be have to spend three hours getting their pockets searched. But for now it’s our turn and Mr. Shahrukh Khan will have to deal with it like the rest of us. --tarun

Blog From A Famous Person - April 2009

Blog from a Famous Person

Monday, 20th April

It’s Sunday night and I’m blogging. It only took me two weeks to throw out the “I’m going to blog every Sunday rule” so I’ve decided to make this blog super awesome, and I hope you have time to read it all the way through. So a couple months ago I was trying to get Kal Penn to do a cameo in our movie, Bobby Khan’s Ticket To Hollywood. (Which by the way is coming out great, and you should check it out when we release.) Also, before you read any further, this blog is not a dis on Kal Penn who couldn’t be a nicer guy. He’s cleared a path for people like me, and we at RaisingDesi wish him the best of luck with his new job at the White House. Continue reading… Anyway, so I’m sending Kal e-mails. I mail him the script and stuff, and it’s not really going anywhere, and we’re about to give up. Now as some of you may know, I perform stand-up every Monday/Thursday in Westwood which has a karaoke room next door. So one Monday at about 12:00 am who do I bump into? Kal Penn! He’s just chilling with his boys. It’s a freak coincidence. Naturally, I bring up the movie and ask what’s going on. Kal’s like “I haven’t read the stuff yet” which is fine because he’s a busy guy, and I didn’t think anything of it. This town is all about putting yourself out there, and I would have kicked myself later if I didn’t ask. However, one of our Raising Desi employees happened to be with me. We’re walking outside and he’s like “wow, what a d***! How could he not read it?! You sent it two months ago!” I politely explained to my friend that Kal is on a network TV show and he probably has people pitching him stupid s*** all the time, and he probably thinks this isn’t any different. What surprised me about the situation was how quick my friend was to judge Kal after a two minute encounter. Trust me. I’ve met lousy people in showbiz and Kal Penn is a straight shooter. Cut to two weeks later. My friend Tony Kundu, who could possibly be the best South Asian house dancer in the world (look him up on youtube) e-mails me from Canada. He’s like “Hey, my friend is coming to LA. Can you meet with her? I don’t think she knows anybody.” I am a nice guy, just ask my mom. I hate Hollywood BS, and I look out for my friends, and even friends of friends. I also work my a** off and rarely hang out just for the sake of killing time. But I go because it is a favor asked of me. The meeting goes ok, and I tell my new friend about LA and the next day, I even ask if she wants to roll with me and my comic friends to a few comedy clubs. The next week I run into another mutual friend that knows the girl who I just met with. The first words out of her mouth are “What did you say to her?!” “Excuse me?” “She thinks you’re arrogant and completely full of it!” Apparently, in her make-believe world , I started the conversation by saying, “Hi, I’m Tarun Shetty and I’m famous.” And then couldn’t stop talking about myself. Although in retrospect, the line is hilarious and I wish I did say it, this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Then it hit me. Her same pre-conceived attitude towards me is a lot like the attitude my friend had towards Kal Penn. I’m not saying I’m famous. In fact, I’m far from it. One time I sold out a comedy show in Virginia only because people mistook me for M Knight Shyamalan. But as I’m finding out, no matter what I do and no matter how many fans I have there will always be someone ready to shoot me down. What sucks is that people form opinions about someone and then share their thoughts with others, forcing that person to write a blog that is read by ten million people. My point is whether the words are good or bad, it’s a good reminder to myself and everybody reading, that only you can determine your self-worth, nobody else. Luckily, my self-worth makes me famous. I guess that must make me pretty awesome. Peace out. --tarun

Digits - March 23 - 2009

DIGITS 101

Monday, 23rd March

Ok, so both of these stories are completely true! I go for a casting last week and I meet this girl at in the waiting room who gives me her number. I get the digits, and I’m thinking EASY. It’s been a while since I’ve been in the dating scene. Why do guys make such a big deal about getting numbers? It’s cake. The girl was cute, good personality blah, blah. I’m Tarun Shetty, social interaction king. So four days go by and I call her and she doesn’t call back. Wow! OK NOW I UNDERSTAND why everyone complains about this. Thankfully, I have a million other things going on to distract me but still, rejection sucks on any level so I was irritated. I mean why give me the number in the first place? Tell me you have a boyfriend, you’re a lesbian, you joined the peace corp! Make up something! Cut to yesterday night (Saturday) I get four missed calls from a random number. And then I get a text from the same number reading “DAM, I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU” These calls are coming from a 323 number, around 11pm so obviously, someone out there in LA wants to get with me. I lost my phone sometime ago with all my numbers so I have no idea who on earth is calling me. I call my friend Lak because we have a lot of the same friends and I’m like “can you call this number?” I really believe it’s this girl from way back when who used to call me but I never did anything. Fate has magically brought her back into my life. Lak calls me back two minutes later, laughing. He’s like SOME DUDE PICKED UP! I put two and two together and realize it’s some actor/comedian guy who I met sometime back and obviously he got the wrong message. A part of me was totally grossed out by the whole thing, but then I’m like. You know, this guy is just going what I was doing to that girl I met at the casting. You gotta try. Ladies, if some guy is asking for your number, just remember he’s just putting in the effort and seeing where the chips fall. And fellas, if some DUDE who looks three days away from being homeless, like he just got out of jail, and you find out that he was selling himself for gay sex 15 years ago for drug money. If he asks for your number. Well, it’s still gross and I get disgusted just thinking about it! Over and out. tarun

Blogging - March - 2009

BLOGGING 101

Monday, 16th March

Ok. So here’s what I’m going to try to do. And I say this with caution. I’m going to try to put up a new blog post every single week. Both here and on my own personal site at TarunShetty.com. At least till our movie comes out or until I get bored and move on to something else. I’ve actually had a blog on my site for nearly six years but only update it like once a month because it takes me so freakin long to write a new entry. (I consider myself a writer so I always try to make the entries good) However, someone recently told me that Kanye West’s blog is the number #1 blog on the net. So I went to it and it’s like a bunch of pictures. It’s like a blog made by a fourth grader. When he does write I don’t he’s even using complete sentences. I DIDN’T KNOW YOU CAN DO THAT! So long story short, I’m going to blog how everyone else does. I guess that’s why they call it a blog. Not composition class 101. So from here on out don’t have any expectations for my writing. Anyways, so everybody knows by now that we are making a movie called Bobby Khan’s Ticket to Hollywood. (it’s on IMDB) It’s pretty exhausting and whatever but so far so good. I’d like to blog today about the incredible shape I’m in. Yes, that’s really what I’m going to talk about because I don’t think anybody is ever going to realize the amount of work that this takes unless I blog about it. Everybody in the crew knows it because I drive everybody crazy asking questions like “do I look fat in this tank-top?” I think I go to the gym like 5 days a week. I can’t go any more because by the 5th day I’m bordering insanity and am going to shoot everybody. I’m realizing that I can’t get any bigger than what I look like. Seriously, I’m not sure if it’s an Indian thing. Perhaps Indians can’t get big unless I start taking steroids, which may or may not happen. Its sad that I bust my a** every day and then someone sent me a video of Amir Khan (Bollywood film star) training for this movie and he’s all buff. The guy does like 25 pull ups which is crazy! Isn’t he like 60? He also has a home gym and so maybe my point to all this is that I should get a bo-flex.

Tarun Shetty - Zoolander - May 2009

Tarun Shetty - The New Zoolander?

Wednesday, 11th March

Hey, quick blog. I’m writing this at 1am on a Tuesday. Trying to pack my bags, can’t seem to get away from my computer. Tomorrow morning I fly to St. Louis. Booked some modeling job and they’re flying me out for a couple days for a shoot. Interesting because never in my wildest dreams growing up that I would one day work as a model. I always thought it was stupid, especially after seeing Zoolander. Yet, I gotta say. Having people pamper you and being able to fly around and see different parts of the word is pretty interesting. I used to fly around as a stand-up so I know what it’s like but this is slightly different because I don’t have to make people laugh. I know this won’t last forever so I try not to get too attached to it! People ask me what I do and I don’t even know what to tell them sometimes: Comedian, writer, actor, producer, male model! In truth, I really like being an artist. Aside from the total insecurity and the artistic quirks which are misconstrued by others, it’s very liberating. St. Louis! Of all the places. Why couldn’t it have been Paris? I’m there for three days. I don’t think I even have a car so I guess I’m limited with what I can do. Every time a photographer takes a photo all I think is BLUE STEEL, BLUE STEEL!

A Fine Winter's Day - 2009

A Fine Winter's Day

Tuesday, 20th January

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” my first grade teacher asked. “Um, a firefighter” I reply. I remember this vividly. Don’t ask me why but I do. And I only said “firefighter” because my other friends both said firefighters and I thought we would all drop out of elementary school and get jobs together. It would be funny if we lived in a dictatorship or something and whatever you said when you were 6 you had to become. Dictator - “You will become firefighter” Me - “What? Why?” Dictator - “Don’t you remember what you said in 1984? We have it on tape!” My point to this is I’m in New Hampshire right now and today my mom found a gray hair on my head. I ran to the bathroom mirror and stared at it. It’s sticking out of the left side of my cranium for the world to see. I grabbed the delicate strand with my index finger and was getting ready to pull when something occurred to me. This hair was more than just some dead follicle growing from my scalp. Like an army sergeant receiving a purple heart, this hair was being awarded after years of life experience. Every obstacle, every hurdle. They all come fast and unexpected. All we can do we is give our best and accept reality, even if that means not becoming firefighter. I open the front door of my house unleashing a sub-arctic wind, frosting the tip of my nose. It’s good to be home.

TV HOST - Nov 29th - 2008

My Former Life As a TV Host

Saturday, 29th November

I walk amidst a thick crowd of people holding my trusty microphone and followed by a camera guy. A young girl in her early 20’s runs up to me “Hey Tarun! Can I be interviewed?” I’m a bit thrown off. The way she asked it was almost as if she knew me personally. “Um, ok” Her face lights up. I see this look a lot. I came to Hollywood to become the greatest stand-up comic I could be and yet somehow I developed into the weekly Bollywood host guy who pops up sporadically on the national cable show Showbiz India. For those who don’t watch the show, I guess I could compare it to being the goofy weatherman on TV. When I was recognized people would talk to me as if we had been friends since high school. It’s very hard to explain but this is the best way I can describe it. To this day I have no idea how I became a Bollywood TV host. I grew up in New Hampshire away from all aspects of Indian culture and heritage. The job introduced me to South Asian parties, Indian restaurants, meeting cool stars and of course, led to me making a fool of myself for the general public. I wouldn’t want to do it again, but it was a good experience, and I put some of the things I learned below in case someone out there has a similar opportunity that I had. TV HOSTING RULES 101 1. Don’t give up the mike. This is rule numero uno. Never let go. You are always in control. Even if someone grabs the mike, hold on. Without it, you are powerless. 2. Never give out your phone number no matter how friendly the person seems. Sometimes people would ask me for my number and I would give it out not thinking twice about it. Not only did I accumulate stalkers but I also got a lot more calls from random people who wanted a copy of their 3-second appearance on TV. Stranger - “Hey Tarun, remember me from three months ago at club so and so. I was wearing the red dress?” Me - “Of course! You and 400 other people. I’ve been waiting for you to call!” 3. When covering college parties, don’t hook up with girls. Sure, it’s easy and I would be lying to say that I didn’t try. Then I realized that the same girls go to the same parties every weekend! I quickly decided to do all my dating the normal way, internet chat rooms and Craig’s List. 3. Inevitably, at places where alcohol is served, someone will try to pick a fight with you and when that happens, step down. I attracted a lot of attention from girls and guys hated me! It got so bad that I took boxing lessons for two years because I thought I would get sucker punched. My fighting career never went beyond classes, but I’m proud to say that I do have a pretty good left hook. 4. If you interview a family and there’s a kid that looks mentally disabled. Don’t talk to him because he probably is mentally disabled. Let’s just leave it at that. 5. If some dude comes up to you and TELLS you to interview him or his girlfriend and you don’t want to, don’t do it. Remember, in your small hosting world you decide who makes it on TV and who doesn’t. Half the time, guys who demand to be interviewed are big time losers who drive their dad’s BMW’s and spend most of their free time getting wasted. Plus, their girlfriends don’t even want to be on camera which makes for unwatchable interviews 6. Did I mention don’t hook up with girls? I’m just saying…. 7. Go all out. When someone has agreed to be on camera its on. I think what makes a good host the ability to show his/her true personality so you can’t hold back. My rule was to always say whatever I thought was funny. Let the editor cut out whatever is not appropriate. Sometimes from a 5 minute boring interview, 10 seconds may be gold. 8. Prepare! I did a bunch of press junkets. It’s where you sit one on one with movie stars talking about their upcoming soon to be released movie. The truth is you have a limited amount of time with the stars and everything is taped so you can’t mess up. I interviewed Neil Patrick Harris for Harold & Kumar 2. I was so nervous I thought I was going to throw up but luckily I spent a few hours the night before and practiced asking questions into my camcorder. Yeah, it sounds stupid but it’s better to look like an idiot in the privacy of your home than on national TV. 9. Smile! Charisma is key. 10. Enjoy the moment. Do you know how many lame jobs there are? Whenever I was hosting and hated life I would think “I can’t believe I’m being paid to talk to people!” If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that nothing is permanent. Even jobs. If you ever have the opportunity to be in front of the camera, take it. You never know where it could lead to! Attached below are the last of the hosting videos, which I shot for Showbiz India a few months back. I was pretty burned out but you can’t tell because I’m a pro. Damn straight. Me covering a party: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PInbIGWgios Me covering India’s Independence Day Festival: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRBiKXFmlGk best, Tarun

Movie Blog 2 - Nov 1st - 2008

Movie Blog 2

Saturday, 1st November

So we are in November and are well into shooting the movie. We’ve been shooting on weekends because this shooting schedule gives us more time to prepare. Shooting is quite fun… and exhausting. I’m glad we shot all those Desi OC’s because at least I know somewhat how I am coming across on camera. I especially like this project because it’s not all Indians in the cast. Sometimes I get sick of doing everything targeted towards South Asians and it’s good to branch out. Jerry O’Connell was in my improv class and I asked him to do a cameo in the movie. He didn’t say no but he didn’t say yes. He’s a super nice guy and very funny so I have nothing against him. I would have regretted it if I didn’t ask. Here are some people in my movie that I’m pretty happy about: Lak Rana, Shazia Deen, Theo Von, Jason Zumwalt, Deema Mauladad, Kunal Shetty. (yes, my brother) Everybody is showing up prepared and doing a great job. I am definitely better when I’m having fun, so the cast and crew is making my life very easy. When not shooting, I am constantly thinking and working which is probably not a good thing. I think that after this I will take a vacation but knowing me I will probably just use that time to do start more projects and keep the cycle going. I hate the fact that I can't leave town to do stand-up so maybe I'll just do more of that. I did manage to go out yesterday and went to a costume party (two actually) I found this sombrero in my closet so I just put it on and carried around a bag of oranges. I know this is racist so you don’t need to e-mail and tell me. Lak Rana rolled with me as well as my little brother. I told Lak that we should just wear our normal clothes and go as “Sanjay and Ajay” but I don’t think people would get that. Atif and I are going to location scout tomorrow morning. (Sunday at 10 am) I hate the fact that I have to wake up early and drive an hour to check out a location but this is what I have to do. --tarun

Movie Blog - Sept 24th 2008

Movie Blog 1 - And We're Off...

Wednesday, 24th September

Well it’s September and after five years in LA we’re finally on our way to shooting our first movie. I’m happy to announce that we’re making the movie under my production company RaisingDesi, which I run with Atif Mirza. I figure we don’t have an official movie site yet so I can use this journal entry to blog about everything from now till the initial release. In all honesty. sometimes I get scared. In addition to writing/acting I’ll be doing most of the producing. It’s a lot of work, but aside from collaborating with Atif, I can do what I want and think this is the best way to do it. My ultimate goal is to write/produce all my movies. I have some experience, but I’m learning that movie making is a lot more work than what I expected. I’ve never run from anything in my life, and I certainly won’t run from this. ANYWAYS…. I wrote the first draft this past summer and then Atif and I re-wrote it and made it a lot funnier. I don’t want to say the title, but here’s a hint: I think the script is quite “rocking.” As of now, we have locked a cast. We spent the past few months auditioning actors. Some great, some forgettable. I can’t believe how many talented people there are in this town. There are also a lot people that are wasting their time, and I don’t’ think “being famous” is a good enough reason to become an actor. I know what it’s like to go into an audition and then walk out not knowing what the heck just happened, so I guess everyone deserves credit. We did a read through at my apartment last month and both Atif and I were happy. I always find it strange to hear lines I wrote read by actors. Everyone said it was funny but my own insecurities tell me that it needs to be better so we re-wrote it one more time. It’s getting especially difficult because we are also trying to keep Desi OC going. I’ve already turned down three stand-up gigs in October, but I have to be very careful to not burn out and save myself for when it counts. I think Desi OC is picking up slowly, and I’m happy with the results and where we’re going. Though sometimes I get tempted to write an episode where “Ajay” has a dream and makes out with every hot Indian girl in LA. Every day I get new fan mail or facebook friend requests (especially from Canada). It helps knowing that all this work is appreciated and makes people happy. It’s also great that we have 8 episodes under our belt because it’s given us a lot of practice with the camera, coordinating schedules and shooting with actors “guerilla style.” Fans of the Desi OC will be in for a big surprise in the movie. That’s all to report. We’re doing our first rehearsal this weekend and then on to location scouting. best, Tarun

Time of My Life - Aug 10th

Time of My Life

Sunday, 10th August

It’s going to happen. I’ve seen this day coming for sometime now, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Ladies and gentlemen, this Friday, with the company of some of my closest friends, I will be turning 30. That’s right. (Sorry ladies and everyone else who thinks I’m 25 or whatever.) I’ll be 30, and I’m more than ready for it. Last week, I gave notice at my Bollywood job, and I’m currently working as a television producer at the G4 network. I’m shooting my first movie with my partner at RaisingDesi in the fall, and we’re more than ready. I know that accomplishments mean nothing in regard to age, but it does help knowing that things are moving forward, and I feel I’m right where I should be…. I’d like to take the rest of this journal to briefly recap what I learned the past ten years. Who knows, maybe somebody out there is reading this, and it may help as they embark on their own post-collegiate journey. From my personal experience, 20’s are about finding out who you are. You’re tested in insurmountable ways, at times wanting to kill yourself only to later realize that these experiences will have a lasting effect on developing your character and maturity. I hope everything in my life happened for a reason. Maybe in another ten years I’ll be able to better understand it all, and can write another entry. But for now, this is what I learned in a few brief sentences. And if you’re reading this right now, please feel free to come to my birthday this Friday on the 15th in Hollywood and say hello. Without the constant support from everybody I probably would have given up on these crazy endeavors a long time ago. Check out the invite video at the bottom of this entry. See ya! Tarun WHAT LEARNED IN MY 20’s 1. Nothing is permanent. 2. Girls are confusing. 3. If you care about what others think, you become their prisoner. 4. Be nice to everyone. 5. Evil people do exist on this planet, and there is nothing you can do about it. 6. You can’t do everything. You will burn out if you try. 7. As you think, so shall you be 8. Generally, people only believe what they see. 9. Everything happens for a reason. (I still struggle with this daily) 10. Stop comparing yourself to others, there’s only one you. 11. Monitor and check your ego. 12. Preparation, preparation and more preparation. 13. Try to enjoy the moments where everything seems awesome. (remember #1) 14. Everything is a numbers game. 15. You form habits, habits form you. 16. Sometimes the best way to cope with problems is to just be. 17. Keep your dreams and goals alive despite all circumstances. Birthday Video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnI1nwfUUMU

How Not To Succeed in Business - July 3rd

How Not to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying

Thursday, 3rd July

It pisses me off when I hear someone say they can’t do something. It’s my pet peeve. I find it annoying. I don’t want to hear it. So when people tell me that I am not capable of something, well don’t even get me started. I say this to everyone, whether you’re in showbiz or not, you’re responsible for your own life. You set your own path. Do you ever see someone do something and you’re like “I wish I could that.” You can! If you’re afraid of doing something, do it anyways. And when you’re finished, do it again. I guarantee by the 1000’x time, you’ll be pretty good and somewhere out there, you’ll be inspiring others to do the same. Flashback two years ago. I was in our television offices when my producing partner, Atif, comes running up to me. “So and so agreed to a meet us!” We had just started raising money for our first movie. We were asking anyone and everyone. Family, friends, whoever. The thing about raising money is that it’s like the wild west. There are no rules. You can ask and get nothing for years and then one person comes along and gives you 5 million dollars because he wants to see his name in the credits. It makes no sense. So a few years back Atif and I set up a meeting with a very wealthy business person. I can’t mention his name for obvious reasons. But he was Indian, worked in computers and once funded a movie on his own that didn’t go anywhere. There are many people like that in Hollywood. I’ll leave it at that. I used to get mad at Atif when we started out trying to set up business meetings, we’d send out these query letters asking to meet. “We’re not business people!” Atif would say. I hated it when he said that because deep down, I knew it was true. Neither of us had experience in anything related to business. I once had a paper route, and I gave it up after a week. I went to film school and work as an on-air host. The toughest part of my profession is putting on my own make-up on for TV shoots. Still, I wanted to learn how to run a production company so meeting a financier one on one was a good place to start. We met our financier at Starbucks. A nice, friendly environment. What could possibly go wrong? Atif and I showed up early and got the corner table. Our “investor” showed up 20 minutes later. He was quiet and sort of reminded me of my uncle. The only difference was that this guy truly believed that he was the Jerry Bruckheimer (famous Hollywood producer) of India. For an hour we listened about how great his past film was (the only film he’s ever made), how “script” is the most important thing in a production, and most importantly, his critical analysis of our webisodes. We responded like two mental patients let loose. I rambled with really no sense of purpose while Atif vehemently defended our productions. “We get fan mail from around the world!” I realized at some point in the meeting that this 50 year old computer software guy from Northridge wasn’t our normal 15-35 demographic. I’m willing to bet that “Desi Karate Kid” didn’t tug at any emotional heart strings. In retrospect, the funniest thing was that we didn’t even have a business plan or investment model to present. We were just like “Hey, we’re funny guys! Give us your money!” So, two hours later, as we’re getting ready to leave, he says “Send me script. If I like, I’ll give you 300,000 dollars.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. We somehow just convinced this random guy to read our script and potentially launch our film careers. We were in business! Hooray! Our investor leaves and Atif and I head out the door to the sidewalk. We’re talking excitedly like two girls about what just happened. “Wait.” I say. “What if he drives past and see’s us blabbering away. We made a good first impression, we should head back inside.” So we go into Starbucks and wait in line to get some coffee. Atif, standing in front of me, says. “He seems like a nice guy.” “Sure.” I respond. “But if that dude understands anything in our script, I’ll eat my hat.” Atif turns around. He looks frozen, which is strange because he never gets rattled. I turn around, looking straight into the eyes of our beloved investor. His eyes are popped open, I could see the blood leaving his face. “The frappacinos here are really good!” I squeak. I ran out the exit to my car with Atif following right behind me. “Do you think he heard me?” “He’s not deaf! He was standing five inches from you!” Now I guess you could say, what I said wasn’t that bad, but it certainly didn’t help the cause. When I got home I wrote the investor an e-mail to apologize and thank him for his time, but I never heard back. It was one of those life lessons. Don’t make judgments on people, and if you are, at least make sure that guy isn’t standing directly behind you. It was like right out of a movie. Whenever Atif and I reflect back on it we bust up laughing because it’s so stupid. Looking back, we’re almost happy it happened because I’m not sure it would have been such a good idea to make a movie with someone who doesn’t share your sensibilities. What’s my point to all this? We’ve had countless business meetings since this first incident. Some good, some bad, but we always try and hopefully we’re getting better at presenting ourselves. And even if we don’t get money, we don’t take it personal and have long term amicable relationships with our business associates, many of them are reading this right now. And If I don’t have a good relationship with you, well I’m probably talking s***, but just far far away where you can’t hear me. --tarun

Downtown - April 4th

DOWNTOWN

Friday, 4th April

Here we go with another exciting journal entry, as always about three months late. Sometimes I wonder why I started this journal thing. It’s hard to find the time to sit down and write, and I realize that a lot of people have given up on me and have stopped coming back to this site. But when I do it, I remember how much I enjoy the process and recall the days when I wanted to do this for a living. I still write to some extent, but I had a lot of desire as a kid. I wrote an endless supply of bad comedy sketches and even applied to an arts college with the intention of becoming a TV writer. So much so that I did research on how to become a TV writer and found out I needed a ‘spec script.’ A spec script is the equivalent to having a resume in the real world. Essentially, a wannabe TV writer picks out a show currently running on the air and writes a sample episode. The spec script demonstrates if the writer has the capability to capture the characters voices, emulate structure, and most importantly convey a story. So this is what I did. There was this show called ‘Just Shoot Me’ starring David Spade who worked at a fashion magazine office. The show was quite silly, but I liked the fact that there were a lot of jokes, which is what interested me at the time. I watched a bunch of episodes and sat down to write my first spec script. It wasn’t very good, but I was proud enough that I finished it and could put my name on something. A year later I’m walking through NY, and I pass by the MTV building. Being from New Hampshire, I was very impressed. “Wow, maybe one day I’ll work there!” As soon as I got home, I looked up who the development head was, pulled out my spec script and sent it along with a note introducing myself. You can imagine my surprise when I got a phone call in my dorm room three months later. “Hello, is this Tarun?” “Yes.” “Hi, this is so and so at MTV and we read your spec script. Can you come in for a meeting?” Take note, I’m 20 years old at the time. The whole experience of being called in with the head of MTV development was pretty exciting. It could have been the MTV janitor, and I would have been happy mopping floors. I go to MTV and I’m sitting in an office with this lady who was well into her 40’s but her bandana, Abercrombie jeans and Converse sneakers made me think she was going through a mid-life crises. (When I left I noticed everybody wore similar clothes. Maybe MTV has a dress code to look like your 16?) She’s like. “Tarun, I like your spec script. How would you like to be a writer on our new TV show ‘Downtown?’ “Ok!” She then goes on to tell me how ‘Downtown’ is MTV’s newest soon to be hit animation show. There was this other popular show called ‘Beavis and Butthead’ and so like any TV network, they made a bad spinoff with almost the same characters but with a new title! Genius! She complimented me on my spec script’s dialogue. Especially the parts when I used words like ‘cool’ and ‘awesome. ’ I guess she never heard of these words before. “You’re so in touch with your generation!’ “Yes I am.” She then asked the question which probably changed my life for the better. “So, what else do you have?” “Else?” “Yeah, you don’t just have one spec script, do you?” I almost fell out of my chair. ‘How could I be so stupid to only write one spec script!?” I stumbled around and blurted out something like “Oh, I think I have something, but I left it at home.” The sad truth was that as a TV writer, I had just given her my entire body of work. Later that week, I sent her like ten comedy sketches or something but I knew my days as being MTV’s newest prodigy writer were numbered. I never heard back from her, although ironically, I did intern for the same department 2 years later and ran around the city getting Starbucks for the animators. MTV gave me my first lesson in television writing. Always come prepared and if you’re 20 years old, write a spec script with lots of ‘cool’ words or if you don’t of any, just make them up. It doesn’t matter. Nobody knows anything. This is a definite and with this knowledge, you too may almost catch a break and work in the wonderful world of showbizness. --tarun

Union College - Feb 24th

Union College	Sunday, 24th February
I'm writing this from the Hilton Garden Hotel room in Albany. Thank you to Shakti and everyone who came out to tonight's show at Union College. I had a great time especially eating the free Indian food afterwards. It made the long flight and travel delays worthwhile. I hope you all keep in touch with me! Add me on facebook or e-mail! Wow, walking back to my car tonight, I don't think I've ever been that cold in my life. Thanks Varun for letting me borrow your jacket! all the best, Tarun

Goodbye Brewco - Feb 1st 2008

Goodbye Brewco

Friday, 1st February

So this past month has been pretty momentous. As some of you may or not know, I perform stand-up comedy. (how could you not know, it’s the only thing I talk about on this website) So I landed in Los Angeles on a cold October month 3 and half years ago and found that my best friend was running one of the hottest comedy rooms in Hollywood upstairs at “The Westwood Brewing” company. To make a long story short, my friend’s comedy career took off and while he was on ‘the road’ he left the room to me. Every Monday and Thursday I would shuttle over there after work and set-up the chairs, microphone lights and hustle an audience for a comedy show. Essentially, it’s a little attic above a bar down the street from UCLA. Sometimes the room has 75 college kids, sometimes there’s 4. Either way, I like performing so it really never made much of a difference to me. Running a comedy room is great. I highly recommend it for any new comic in Los Angeles. Not only does it allow you to book comedians and meet a lot of neat people but you can book yourself and perform all you want! Hooray! In addition, some of my best friends are the bouncers and bartenders who work there. It was also pretty cool that some of Hollywood’s hottest comics stopped in including Dane Cook, Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock. Well this past month, after three years, I gave the room to another comic. Some of the most interesting and weirdest stories that could only happen in Hollywood, happened to me in that room. I thought I would use this entry to highlight a few of them. And if you don’t like it TOUGH! This is tarunshetty.com so if you’re with me, read on… David Arquette/Pee-Wee Herman This was a pretty weird. One time David Arquette (Courtney Cox’s husband) had a film party release down the street Westwood. To celebrate, he decided to bring his entire film crew to the Westwood Brewing company and have a party upstairs one floor up above our room. I guess David is a big fan of stand-up comedy because when he heard of our show, he ditched his own party, came downstairs and sat in the back to watch. To make it more interesting, Paul Ruebens (Aka, Pee-Wee Herman) was at the party and was looking for David Arquette so he wandered into the room too and also stayed. By this time, the show had been going on pretty long, and the crowd began to thin out. Around 12:30 in the morning I finally get on stage to perform. I look out into the bright lights and have to squint to see my audience: A UCLA couple making out on a couch. David Arquette and Pee-Wee Herman are sitting beside them, listening politely. I’m like “Ok, so what do you guys do for a living?” Rick Fox This story might be kind of lame because I don’t even consider Rick Fox a celebrity in any right. I know he was on the Lakers and married to Vanessa Williams but I don’t know if that means anything. So Rick Fox is watching the show and the room is packed, standing room only. Of course, this dude is like 6’6 so he really sticks out and one of the comics calls him out. I forget the chain of events but somehow, Rick Fox is called on stage to tell a joke. (I remember watching this and feeling sick because rule #1 in comedy is never give up the mike. I don’t care who it is.) Well, Rick told a joke, followed by another and another and another. All in all, he ended up performing for 25 minutes! To make matters worse, he had a great set and I had to follow him! I remember complaining to a friend afterward “If I see Kobe Bryant performing stand-up comedy here next week, so help me God…” Being Discovered I always dreamed of someone discovering me while doing stand-up and this would launch my acting career. Well it hasn’t happened yet but one time they set up karaoke in the room next door. Some comic was on stage so just for fun, while waiting, I went down the hall and signed up for karaoke. I think I sang Billy Joel or something. I get off stage and there’s a lady with a big smile handing me a business card. “I’m an MTV casting director how would you like to host our new karaoke show?! “ “Uh, I’ll have to think about it.” Her smile disappeared. “No, you don’t understand. IT’S ON MTV and you get to sing on karaoke too!” ‘I understand fine, but I don’t want to sing karaoke on your channel or anywhere else on TV. See you later.” I thought that was the last of it. Turns out, this girl came to every comedy show for like two weeks after that asking me to host her stupid karaoke show. I would have considered it had I not had to start off each episode singing a song -- in a shower bathroom! I never saw her again nor did I ever see a show like this on MTV. I guess they couldn’t find a host who could sing as well as me.